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How To Escape The Friend Zone, What You Need To Know

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How to get out of the friend zone

Yikes! If you’ve been friend-zoned, it means that someone you want a relationship with views you as nothing more than a platonic pal. However, you CAN escape this romantically benign territory and we’ll explain how.

Are you a friend’s errand-runner, favor-doer, ride-giver, time-filler, and shoulder-to-cry-on? Do you secretly pine away for a romance, while she’s content with a purely benign connection? If you’ve answered “yes” to these questions, you’re stuck in the dreaded friend zone.

Is there any escape from this platonic purgatory? Yes! Here are six behaviors to drop in order to escape the friend zone and become more than just a good pal.

1. Stop Being Friends with Benefits

If your friendship includes sex, you may think that this a win, caz getting physical might be a way to transition out of the friend zone. Unfortunately, sex isn’t a relationship waiting room and it’s not a bridge to something deeper.

Instead, your female friend will be sexually fulfilled, possibly by others too, ouch! and your romantic desires won’t be, but you’ll continue hooking up as a desperate way of keeping her in your life. Don’t count on it: you’ve been “put on hold.”

2. Stop Listening to Her Relationship Woes

If someone wants to have a relationship with you, they won’t talk about problems they have in other relationships. They won’t talk to you about the crush they have on another dude. They won’t talk about their sex life.

When you’re the person who is sympathetic, the person who listens and comforts and gives advice, you’re doomed to friendship status. You become the buddy they can gripe to and confide in, instead of a potential love interest.

3. Stop Being so Nice

The word “nice” is bland. It describes someone who is boring. It doesn’t describe someone she’ll walk with on a silvery beach under a star-bejeweled sky while her heart rapturously beats.

This doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk. It means setting boundaries so that they won’t assume you’ll jump anytime she snap her fingers. Some changes you could implement include:

• Don’t hustle to answer their texts, immediately call them back or rush to meet them in person.

• Don’t act like her private limo driver, ready and willing to serve.

• Don’t cancel your plans when she ask you to, especially if she beckons you at the last minute.

• Don’t do chores for her: fixing things, doing her laundry, sorting her recycling.

4. Don’t Be Clingy

If you’re utterly obsessed with this person, your out-of-control feelings may compel you to act clingy. You’re behaving irrationally and suffocating them, but you think you’re merely showing affection.

If anything, this will scare them off, not draw her closer. Some behaviors that could hurtle you into the friend zone are:

• Bombarding them with countless texts, even though they’re unresponsive. And then trying to prompt them with, “Did you get my texts?” or “Are you there?” You’ll come across as a creepy stalker.

• Constantly checking their social media accounts (to see what they’re doing when they’re not around YOU), and liking each and every thing they post.

• Flooding her with presents and compliments, even though there’s no romantic relationship.

• Ditching friends and family to spend time with your pal, even if it’s a holiday or someone’s birthday.

5. Don’t Act Jealous

Let’s say you’ve just come out of a restaurant bathroom to see your buddy flirting with an attractive person. Or they rave about the amazing sex they’re having with their new hookup. Or they gush about the sweet person who cooked them a romantic candlelight dinner.

You might be angered and think, “I’m attractive. Why don’t you flirt with ME?” or “I can please you better than he can. Why don’t you have sex with ME?” and “I’m sweet. I’ve cooked for you. Why don’t you think it’s romantic with ME?”

If you’re consumed with jealousy, but you can’t tell them you like them, these suppressed emotions are a perfect storm for a simmering resentment. You may think you can hide this, but you can be certain that the anger will eventually bubble up like lava.

Since they don’t know why you’re angry, and you won’t tell them, you’ll just seem like an unstable jerk. This is no way to escape the friend zone.

6. Don’t Agree with Everything They Say

A “yes person” doesn’t make an intriguing romantic partner. This is one of the best ways to completely strip yourself of personality. Sure, you agree with everything because you want them to like you and/or not alienate them.

However, without witty banter, without respectfully challenging their opinions or their actions and without having your OWN opinions, you won’t be interesting enough to consider as anything other than a friend.

It’s hard to be around the object of your desires when they only see you as a friend. You’re completely smitten, but you’re in the unenviable position of not being able to tell them.

As hopeless as it seems, though, these circumstances aren’t a permanent prison. Try the six tips above to stop being taken for granted and start life outside the friend zone.

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Sex & Relationships

10 Ways To Please Your Woman That Has Nothing To Do With A Birkin

Joel

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Birkin bags
Image: Burak Cingi

The internet streets have been buzzing about “Birkin Bags” lately with some serious arguments on Twitter stemming from a video posted by Rapper Saweetie.

In her video, in summary, she said if a man isn’t buying you a Birkin or paying your bills, throw him back to the street.

See below:

We have a slightly different take on the argument. When you are in a serious relationship, a Birkin or three might be enticing at first, but in our experience, just buying bags can get a bit boring regardless of how expensive they are.

Women are multifaceted, they are complicated but in a good way and one of the joys of any relationship is finding different ways to please her and make her smile.

In this post, we are going to share 10 ways you can please your woman that has nothing to do with buying a Birkin.

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1. Have a purpose

Fellas, we need to talk about our purpose in life. Many of us got it all wrong. There shouldn’t be any guessing with a high-value man, his intentions, his purpose and his drive are clear.

When a man is grounded and know’s his WHY he can move through life strategically, with precision and confidence.

There is a real distinction between men who watch TV, get high, play games (video and relationship games) and have nothing to show for it, versus a man that works hard (smart) and plans his next 5 to 10 moves ahead in life.

This is a good trait to develop, women are attracted to men with purpose.

2. Be a producer and about that bag

Gentlemen, you have to be about that bag, no pun intended. You have to make money or at least be on the right path to getting money, legally of course.

You must position yourself in your endeavors to get tangible results (money) consistently. In order to do this, there needs to be a system in place where your success and reward are measurable and repeatable.

The ladies want stability guys, not just a bag (Birkin) every now and then. See point 3 below.

3. Provide stability – Pay her bills

We are not suggesting you be a sucka but fellas, the ladies need and want protection and stability. They need to know that you at least have the ability to keep them covered. That means you need good self-management and control of your resources.

The one thing Saweetie touched on we have to agree with is if you are in a serious relationship and you notice that she has student loans or something she is struggling with, why not help out.

If you are in it together, nobody should be struggling, put your heads together and let her know you got her on anything. If you have a high-value woman, she will do the same for you!

4. Know how to seduce your woman

Figure out her habits and execute on them. You can do this with the big things and the little things.

For example. If your girl religiously uses a certain face mask or moisturizer and you hear her saying she can’t live without this particular product, make an effort to keep her stocked up.

Don’t just hand her the product though, make it nice, presentation is everything, but get her 20 bottles of whatever it is, put it in a gift basket with a simple note.

She will appreciate not only the gift but the fact that you noticed what she actually likes will go a long way.

5. Plan the entire vacation – Make plans and follow through

7 things you can do that do not involve a Birkin

@tolutemi

Bro! If you haven’t tried this yet you are missing out! Plan the whole thing and be a master of the details. If she really loves the beach, pick a spot, and plan the ultimate Bae-cation.

Know your woman and ask the right questions ahead of time. This way, you can pack her essentials, you already know what she likes and dislikes, what she reads, and other interests, and when she gets home just tell her to pack whatever you missed because yall are about to head out in few hours!

Make sure you cover everything she would be concerned about prior to going on the trip.

Bonus tip: Be bold and lock down the next adventure before the current one ends. Thank us later.

6. Take care of you

Listen, things happen, but you are of no use to her if you aren’t good. Taking care of yourself should be high on your priority list because it not only makes you feel better but you become a better man for it. Go to therapy, go to the gym, read, and eat well.

Keep it simple:

• Eat clean
• Exercise
• Never stop learning and investing in yourself.

7. Take the pictures

better than a birkin

This one is fun but don’t underestimate it. Fellas, you know if you are really into your woman, you have pics of her. These pics might be on social media, your wallet, or most likely your phone.

If not, learn her angles and take pics of her. Don’t say we didn’t tell you, you see all that love these husbands of Instagram get, stop playing!

Hype her up!

8. Support her dreams

What that brother Vedo say? “It’s time to boss up, get your bag up, girl get at it” (not in that order). If she needs to study, take the kids to the park and give her some quiet time.

If she staying up answering emails, stay up with her until it’s time to go to sleep, hell answer some of those emails with her.

If you see a book on Amazon that you think will help her solve a problem in her business, have it delivered to her stat!

9. Be a high-quality leader

Take responsibility for yourself and the people around you. This is good for any man and black men in particular. Taking care of yourself and your loved ones are the most important traits of good leadership.

Sometimes you not only have to shoulder your burdens but you have to help shoulder the burdens of those around you.

10. Love and Loyalty

Do you know what’s better than any Birkin? Trust!

If you are in a monogamous relationship with the understanding that it’s just you and her, she should be emotionally comfortable.

There is no point in buying her the most expensive things and she can’t even trust you when you go out to the grocery store.

A monogamous relationship is just as much your decision as it is hers, if you aren’t ready, don’t even waste your time and definitely do not waste hers.

Love and loyalty can take her places no Birkin can.

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How To Overcome Anxiety In The Bedroom
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Sex & Relationships

5 Cool Virtual Date Ideas Every Guy Should Try

Fredrick Ochami

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virtual

Not physically being with your partner can take its toll, just ask any couple in a long-distance relationship and they will tell you first hand.

The coronavirus pandemic has forced many couples to be in isolation and being physically apart means we have to get creative with keeping the spark alive.

Since there’s no pressure to go out somewhere fancy, your wallet will thank you and because it involves activities that you’ll both be actively participating in, you can get to know each other just a little bit more!

So, check out some of the coolest virtual date ideas below!

Cook Together

If you were planning to cook for your date—or your date had promised to cook for you—cooking together works. Just decide on a meal, which can be as complicated or as simple as you’d like.

Then have a video chat with each other as you prepare the ingredients and follow the recipe. Then, when you’re done, eat at the same time. The result doesn’t have to be spectacular; if you make a mess, you can even laugh about it. With this, your date night can be quite memorable.

Movie Night

This one is a no-brainer. Movie nights are essential to most couples, and being away from each other doesn’t change that.

The trick is to watch a movie together and depending on how much concentration the movie demands, you can chat with each other as you watch it.

A nifty app that you can use is Netflix Party. This is a Chrome extension that creates a group chat function and synchronizes video playback with whoever you’re watching with.

The rest is up to you; though we recommend watching a movie that’s hilariously bad or just plain funny. You can also watch each other’s favorite films.

Virtual Happy Hour

Happy hour is usually one of the best parts of Friday evening or the weekend. And if you and your partner drink, you can still enjoy this time together; just organize a virtual happy hour!

You can enjoy any drink of your choice, whether it’s a beer, a glass of wine, or even crafting your own cocktails! Then you can chat with each other for as long as you’d like.

If you need cocktail ideas, just search #cocktails on TikTok and you will find a ton of recipes you can try. Add the game ‘truth or drink’ to the mix and we are pretty sure things can get pretty interesting.

Virtual Game Night

If you’re still getting to know each other, few activities are as exciting—or insightful—as game night. It will help you to relax, be more comfortable around each other and know each other better.

You can opt for everyone’s favorite games, like – Never Have I Ever, Charades, or Truth or Dare. Alternatively, you can try something else like trivia.

If both of you like video games, you can even go online and play cooperatively or versus each other. This should keep you both at the edge of your seats, and it will be fun for both of you!

Virtual Vacation

You might be unable to meet your partner for the foreseeable future that doesn’t mean you have to avoid traveling altogether.

Thanks to a little thing called the Internet, you can arrange a virtual trip for both of you. It might not be as exhilarating as the real thing, but you will still get the chance to experience some of the most beautiful places in the world. And the best part is you’ll hardly spend anything.

Trips include a getaway to the Taj Mahal, an excursion to Yosemite National Park, a trip to Machu Picchu in Peru, and more. Need some more virtual vacation ideas click here.

By the way, the ladies over at Emilycottontop came up with 10 virtual date ideas as well, some of them were stolen from us but if you need more ideas, check out this post.

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Sex & Relationships

How To Overcome Anxiety In The Bedroom

Fredrick Ochami

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Okay here’s the scene: Several months into the relationship and you and your girl are on a weekend getaway. You had great dinner and night out at the resort, you are back at the hotel and about halfway through the movie, she makes the first move.

 

Now you a true playa but at the same time, you are petrified about your next move. Why? Because you already know that each move you make from here is getting you closer to the promised land [Insert J. Cole Wet Dreamz here].

That’s a good thing right? Wrong – because you horrified by the realization that your performance is wack.

The Memo For Modern Men

Many men have experienced performance anxiety at some point in their lives. Perhaps you have a new love interest and you’re nervous about not being up to her standards in the bedroom.

Or it could be a special occasion for your better half and you set high expectations for yourself. Whatever the case, it’s perfectly normal to feel like this.

However, if it occurs frequently, it might start to become an issue as it affects our quality of life, so here’s the memo.

There are a few ways to overcome anxiety in the bedroom. If you’re going through it, we recommend trying the five we have listed below.

Love Your Body

Not every man has six-pack abs and a killer body. Most of us are packing a little too much weight in the wrong places. We might also worry that we aren’t big enough down there.

If we feel insecure about this, we might worry about our partner not finding us attractive and this, in turn, can lead to low confidence in the bedroom.

To overcome this, it’s important to love your body.

A good way of doing it is to look at yourself, take note of the things you like, and repeat the process every day. This will help you to see yourself in a more positive light.

Be Imperfect

A lot of times, we try to be perfect in the bedroom. If it’s a new partner or a special occasion, especially, we can try to make it as perfect as possible.

But some men set the bar way too high. Our definition of perfect might be doing things only a porn star is capable of, yet we could see anything less as not being good enough. This kind of pressure can easily lead to anxiety and set us up for failure.

At the end of the day, we have to realize that we’re only human. We don’t have to be sex gods to have a good time.

Say What You Feel

You could be feeling especially anxious and might be constantly worried that you won’t measure up to your partner when it matters. Well, one way to overcome that is to talk about it.

Sharing your concerns will undoubtedly take courage, and you might feel a bit awkward revealing something that personal. However, your partner will most likely let you know that it’s not such a big deal.

They might even help you through it, either verbally or through their actions. This way, even if the worst happens, your partner will understand.

Try To Be Different

For a lot of people, bedroom matters usually follow a linear path. This starts with making out, progresses to oral, goes to penetration, and then ends when both of you climax.

This doesn’t always have to be the case. You can do it how you’ve always done it, switch things up, or even try something new. Nothing is set in stone.

Trying something different is always a good starting point.

You can also try to focus more on your partner than yourself. This way, however you perform, she will still be satisfied.

Work Out

For a lot of men, performance anxiety comes from how you perceive your looks. If you just feel too insecure about it, you can always change it to what you want. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to get in shape.

You don’t even need a chiseled figure. Just seeing progress will almost certainly help you love how you look and make you feel more confident in yourself.

It can also improve the performance of “all” your muscles since it improves blood circulation throughout your body.

What are some of the ways you have overcome anxiety in the bedroom? Comment below.

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