Yikes! If you’ve been friend-zoned, it means that someone you want a relationship with views you as nothing more than a platonic pal. However, you CAN escape this romantically benign territory and we’ll explain how.
Are you a friend’s errand-runner, favor-doer, ride-giver, time-filler, and shoulder-to-cry-on? Do you secretly pine away for a romance, while she’s content with a purely benign connection? If you’ve answered “yes” to these questions, you’re stuck in the dreaded friend zone.
Is there any escape from this platonic purgatory? Yes! Here are six behaviors to drop in order to escape the friend zone and become more than just a good pal.
1. Stop Being Friends with Benefits
If your friendship includes sex, you may think that this a win, caz getting physical might be a way to transition out of the friend zone. Unfortunately, sex isn’t a relationship waiting room and it’s not a bridge to something deeper.
Instead, your female friend will be sexually fulfilled, possibly by others too, ouch! and your romantic desires won’t be, but you’ll continue hooking up as a desperate way of keeping her in your life. Don’t count on it: you’ve been “put on hold.”
2. Stop Listening to Her Relationship Woes
If someone wants to have a relationship with you, they won’t talk about problems they have in other relationships. They won’t talk to you about the crush they have on another dude. They won’t talk about their sex life.
When you’re the person who is sympathetic, the person who listens and comforts and gives advice, you’re doomed to friendship status. You become the buddy they can gripe to and confide in, instead of a potential love interest.
3. Stop Being so Nice
The word “nice” is bland. It describes someone who is boring. It doesn’t describe someone she’ll walk with on a silvery beach under a star-bejeweled sky while her heart rapturously beats.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk. It means setting boundaries so that they won’t assume you’ll jump anytime she snap her fingers. Some changes you could implement include:
• Don’t hustle to answer their texts, immediately call them back or rush to meet them in person.
• Don’t act like her private limo driver, ready and willing to serve.
• Don’t cancel your plans when she ask you to, especially if she beckons you at the last minute.
• Don’t do chores for her: fixing things, doing her laundry, sorting her recycling.
4. Don’t Be Clingy
If you’re utterly obsessed with this person, your out-of-control feelings may compel you to act clingy. You’re behaving irrationally and suffocating them, but you think you’re merely showing affection.
If anything, this will scare them off, not draw her closer. Some behaviors that could hurtle you into the friend zone are:
• Bombarding them with countless texts, even though they’re unresponsive. And then trying to prompt them with, “Did you get my texts?” or “Are you there?” You’ll come across as a creepy stalker.
• Constantly checking their social media accounts (to see what they’re doing when they’re not around YOU), and liking each and every thing they post.
• Flooding her with presents and compliments, even though there’s no romantic relationship.
• Ditching friends and family to spend time with your pal, even if it’s a holiday or someone’s birthday.
5. Don’t Act Jealous
Let’s say you’ve just come out of a restaurant bathroom to see your buddy flirting with an attractive person. Or they rave about the amazing sex they’re having with their new hookup. Or they gush about the sweet person who cooked them a romantic candlelight dinner.
You might be angered and think, “I’m attractive. Why don’t you flirt with ME?” or “I can please you better than he can. Why don’t you have sex with ME?” and “I’m sweet. I’ve cooked for you. Why don’t you think it’s romantic with ME?”
If you’re consumed with jealousy, but you can’t tell them you like them, these suppressed emotions are a perfect storm for a simmering resentment. You may think you can hide this, but you can be certain that the anger will eventually bubble up like lava.
Since they don’t know why you’re angry, and you won’t tell them, you’ll just seem like an unstable jerk. This is no way to escape the friend zone.
6. Don’t Agree with Everything They Say
A “yes person” doesn’t make an intriguing romantic partner. This is one of the best ways to completely strip yourself of personality. Sure, you agree with everything because you want them to like you and/or not alienate them.
However, without witty banter, without respectfully challenging their opinions or their actions and without having your OWN opinions, you won’t be interesting enough to consider as anything other than a friend.
It’s hard to be around the object of your desires when they only see you as a friend. You’re completely smitten, but you’re in the unenviable position of not being able to tell them.
As hopeless as it seems, though, these circumstances aren’t a permanent prison. Try the six tips above to stop being taken for granted and start life outside the friend zone.
